Mare Heline

little proteins.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 03:04:41 GMT

rolling around in the green green grass i make my way over to the shadows just in time to throw
my body down,sprawl all along the grass my arms up tied through my hair. i cant be seen for just this second. my mind could be anywhere, my phone could be in a lake. you call it, i turned it off because i fear radiation.
i have been reading about survival.
i mostly want to survive.
but i just might stop me.

nature.

and you, will you, will you will
when it finally happens upon us, so slowly we hardly know it except as animals.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:51:30 GMT

Being one, again.

hold(ing)

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:42:29 GMT

A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought.

The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.

The gorgeous patterns.
The way they assemble themselves
how a simple thing like margarine
over butter
can send me into a whirlwind of emotion, lamps without shades and glasses and red and blue things. Entire record labels, and certain animals, b side horror films, electronic devices, web pages, strains of pot, highways& routes, laundry, gin, the way a pillow may or may not feel below my head, at night, flavors of frozen treats.
every color and shape imaginable lends itself to the image in my head. So what is wrong with my want? My body can't soak up enough light these days. I am in unknown territory in every way imaginable, nothing to get back to. Nothing to want/ I sew hard, like the strands of thread will pull me somewhere, and they might, but chances are i'm just falling, crawling into it, away from it. Stitching stitches, small ones. and making pancakes, my own syrup, and playing tangoes, breathing, or not.

I couldn't tell you how things are if I tried.
They are what they are, until they are dust.

-----------------+-

MMCOSMOS, sitting by the water, soaking up the sun and knowing. Cloudy days make me want my table, my cd, my lamp(s), all the books i ever lent, a painting, a pillow baaaack. it's nbd.

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 21:31:26 GMT

mouth tastes.

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 20:49:19 GMT

the train must have hit something chartreuse. how I'm feeling now is bad, someone etched "what this sucks" into the glass. the sky I'm watching is just sky plus a streak of chartreuse plus "what this sucks"

I have not been on this past week.
I did not do much...
I have unfinished paintings, unhandedout valentines, a messy room, a very clean bookshelf.
fucked relations, finished homework, a lot of words put down on paper.
I'm unmotivated, feeling undone.

even now, I know it's okay& I'm on my way to jp, my whims are just so fucking overpowering and my views on humans and evil and consciousness WILL come and I will stop the sociology side projects and move to Germany and throw myself at the
mercy of...
grace?

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 07:46:14 GMT

Watched a flower bloom on film tonight. http://www.korg.com/Product.aspx?pd=416
the big bang is still happening.

high fidelity

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 22:54:14 GMT

too legit to quit.
that's what it's alll about.
I'm on the train now. the train sucks but it's like whateverZ
shit I get off at the next stop.

keep it real,
like, john cusak real.

i heard all your plans, no more winter, no more spring.

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 18:28:59 GMT

for me what is right is to put on a good record and if i'm with you i'm really with you & in the other times there's a solace of growth and death I can measure in myself,
a loop sewn into perception

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 13:05:35 GMT

the only thing to fear is fear itself.
these things are forever
its going to
i'm too tired for this, always lost in thought.
happy hibernation .

i am a strange loop- a reminder

better off dead!

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 09:39:43 GMT

tonight was cold
so we bought one sled, drank whiskey and red wine and ate pasta with red sauce. played music, painted our faces red, ate our faces because we had a craving. figured out how the whole universe falls into it's own. played old songs on a guitar with its first string broken. got onto the sled, headed down to a friends house for a smoke. before we know we're back to the john cusak movie.

and the snow,
it being white outside, it shines a very different light...

it's ok where you're at.

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 03:25:34 GMT

and hey, you're alright.

after knowing everything, yeah you're ok.

blue ribbon, drink it.

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 01:26:45 GMT

my work, proletariat (arevolt.com) got sponsored by pabst. we now have 40oz Fridays and free beer for everyone at the jean release party.
I have the best job in the fucking world.
thank youuu Kerry
&
Keaton.

amherst, ma

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:04:24 GMT

I would like a lighter bike. I woke up, ate homemade apple pie, walked to get coffee, cigarettes sitting on a porch and talking,
a thousand things.
Ride my bike home, it's so heavy. Email some ladies about kombucha babies, make a good lunch, a shower, a million things. End up in Amherst with friends, smoke, draw pictures in chalk.

Billions of noises are happening.

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 06:25:00 GMT

hey you there,
you registered?
you know where?
you gotta be somewhere?

ok. go vote.
It's really important.

every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:13:07 GMT

I am docile today & spent it reading Orson Scott Card & later Whitman.
let me recommend both to you,
song of myself has very gradually crept into my mind,
and now I read it and have found Whitman has wrote for me as no other has.
in fact, his being is closer to mine than any being, any soul has come.
maybe we are from the same dirt, ate from the same garden.
(held the same hands, vsited the same graves, saw the same trees and mountains and plains.)
our concept of time is the same,
of life and death.
a million samenesses, none of which belong to me.
but rather us.
his poems are real and good and raw-
relating to them is that
& within him everything has it's place no more than another and
I am in it as you are in it,
in him, of him.
of the world, the universe, a wind, a root, a blade of grass, a song
a song of myself.
I belong to his poems as they belong to me
and space and time.
nothing more nothing less
and I feel that.

drumstick twirling, dishes are fun when there's company in the kitchen

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 15:39:14 GMT

Someone made oatmeal this morning. Peanut butter and apple oatmeal and it warmed me up. I made the tea. Its cold here &It's new england so a lot of flannel shows up, and a lot of covers on the bed because old houses don't heat right. This one doesn't heat at all. Extra flannel over here, please. Also, I don't have a computer, or a television so this is a treat, to sitdown and just be online is foreign. I listened to the sox game on the radio in the shower the other night, and i'm sad they didn't make it to the world series because I live in Boston. I rent Goddard movies or anything else Corey Gates gets me into from the library and watch them on a portable dvd player. And I fool around with my keyboards and I'm learning how to knit. I miss Victoria and Chelsea (but sometimes i get to see her a lot) & I try not to buy too many records but I get paid in cash so it's difficult. I find recipes in cookbooks and make them my own plus school is going really well, I got a full federal grant, i'm really into it right now. Even the boring classes, I do the work and its all really easy to get into. My toes are cold now, so I'm going to go home and take a hot shower and get on with the day. I hope everyone is really great.

deer

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:17:13 GMT

a good husband
& a bad boyfriend
I got hit so hard I
saw horses.

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:16:05 GMT

What you sew you will reap.

gotta find a sweatshirt

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 00:24:01 GMT

it's the season for DEBT.

everyone i know is into it!

my vinylroom

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 04:02:59 GMT

My living room is missing a television. But where it lacks the ability to watch the 2008 Summer Olympics(can you even believe how ill last night was?!) it makes up for in its ability to play every Beatles album on vinyl. yeaahhh lets hang out.

also, the show at distillery was really fun tonight. I got to meet some folks who have been getting up everywhere & as usual Kngee's ridiculous stencils blew me the FUCK away. If you don't know him, google him and get to know him. I'm sure he'd be happy to cut you up a 15 layer photorealistic stencil when he's not busy designing shoes for converse.

LATER

you work too much.

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 04:27:01 GMT

Things have been pretty good except for two minor details. I shattered the screen to my iphone(still works great though) and my laptop got stolen (I know who took it,& someday I'll get the money back. In the meantime, if you ever meet a Eugene Ibory, punch him in the face for me, okay?)But this is really minor. I'm borrowing a PC from Jesse and I like how the keyboard clicks really loud when I type. And honestly... the way apple computers save files is dumb, now i can plug my external hard drive in, listen to my music, and not be taking up any space on the harddrive. I miss the interface though. And photoshop, and WIDGETS.

I have sweetheart of a boy in my life and I'm working 2 days a week which gives me plenty of time to do what I want to do. My boss kicks ass by the way. check out the blog: www.arevolt.com, he's just about the most connected guy in the world.
I've been thinking lately that I may open up my own small biz in the near future. 2 years or so. We'll see where I'm at. Because honestly, who's going to supply the world with German Montanna if I don't? And also, Boston's vinyl selection is lacking (oh, except fartbury comics is really "stepping it up" in that department. We'll see, I've just got a lot going on right now.

can't have everything

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:05:51 GMT

Back from Chicago. Shuffling around my house making origami out of grocery store receipts. This past week was something out of a film; the old kind where they would burn a plant to make the film look noir, but the actors would start getting sick because they would inhale so much smoke.
I also jumped off of a few cliffs & spent time with Bear, I'll be going to Amherst this weekend because there's a few birthday parties and bikerides I need to go on. That means no house show for me and no andrew hall. Damn shame, really.

A tree in the forest is not so great.

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 03:04:39 GMT

Walked across a valley, still a little light to follow & nobody's around as it gets dark. blades of grass, hard oak, my own living flesh. It's easy to let go.

IDENTITY. (some sociology for y'all.)

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:16:06 GMT

i'm afraid of lifestyle brands.

abercrombie
MIA
broken social scene
Heartsrevolution
Cory kennedy
american apparel
JUSTICE, simian... other semi okay electro
Nike
Apple
urban outfitters
croc's
kanye west in '07-'08
johnny cupcakes
cobrasnake... party photography.
business school
photography school

brings me to another point: alt capitalism?

time for a pampered chef party. jklolz.

how come i fuck up all my shit?

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 22:42:30 GMT

Two days ago, at the lakehouse, i felt like kevin devine's ballgame. not the lyrics really, just the guitar part. & then my polaroid camera broke, so it looks like it has a mouth and that it's open all the time, and i almost fixed it but it still doesn't work, the film wont roll forward or anything.