rolling around in the green green grass i make my way over to the shadows just in time to throw
my body down,sprawl all along the grass my arms up tied through my hair. i cant be seen for just this second. my mind could be anywhere, my phone could be in a lake. you call it, i turned it off because i fear radiation.
i have been reading about survival.
i mostly want to survive.
but i just might stop me.

nature.

and you, will you, will you will
when it finally happens upon us, so slowly we hardly know it except as animals.

Current Music: fadedaquamarine

Being one, again.

Current Music: Dirty Projectors lately.

A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought.

The distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.

The gorgeous patterns.
The way they assemble themselves
how a simple thing like margarine
over butter
can send me into a whirlwind of emotion, lamps without shades and glasses and red and blue things. Entire record labels, and certain animals, b side horror films, electronic devices, web pages, strains of pot, highways& routes, laundry, gin, the way a pillow may or may not feel below my head, at night, flavors of frozen treats.
every color and shape imaginable lends itself to the image in my head. So what is wrong with my want? My body can't soak up enough light these days. I am in unknown territory in every way imaginable, nothing to get back to. Nothing to want/ I sew hard, like the strands of thread will pull me somewhere, and they might, but chances are i'm just falling, crawling into it, away from it. Stitching stitches, small ones. and making pancakes, my own syrup, and playing tangoes, breathing, or not.

I couldn't tell you how things are if I tried.
They are what they are, until they are dust.

-----------------+-

MMCOSMOS, sitting by the water, soaking up the sun and knowing. Cloudy days make me want my table, my cd, my lamp(s), all the books i ever lent, a painting, a pillow baaaack. it's nbd.

Tags: tangoes

mouth tastes.

Current Music: wilco.fox in the snow

the train must have hit something chartreuse. how I'm feeling now is bad, someone etched "what this sucks" into the glass. the sky I'm watching is just sky plus a streak of chartreuse plus "what this sucks"

I have not been on this past week.
I did not do much...
I have unfinished paintings, unhandedout valentines, a messy room, a very clean bookshelf.
fucked relations, finished homework, a lot of words put down on paper.
I'm unmotivated, feeling undone.

even now, I know it's okay& I'm on my way to jp, my whims are just so fucking overpowering and my views on humans and evil and consciousness WILL come and I will stop the sociology side projects and move to Germany and throw myself at the
mercy of...
grace?

Watched a flower bloom on film tonight. http://www.korg.com/Product.aspx?pd=416
the big bang is still happening.

Current Music: turtle ambulance

too legit to quit.
that's what it's alll about.
I'm on the train now. the train sucks but it's like whateverZ
shit I get off at the next stop.



keep it real,
like, john cusak real.

Current Music: SAVES THE DAY.

for me what is right is to put on a good record and if i'm with you i'm really with you & in the other times there's a solace of growth and death I can measure in myself,
a loop sewn into perception

the only thing to fear is fear itself.
these things are forever
its going to
i'm too tired for this, always lost in thought.
happy hibernation .

i am a strange loop- a reminder

tonight was cold
so we bought one sled, drank whiskey and red wine and ate pasta with red sauce. played music, painted our faces red, ate our faces because we had a craving. figured out how the whole universe falls into it's own. played old songs on a guitar with its first string broken. got onto the sled, headed down to a friends house for a smoke. before we know we're back to the john cusak movie.

and the snow,
it being white outside, it shines a very different light...

Current Music: handshake drugs